that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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