How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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