I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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