Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
