you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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