So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Randomize
