i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
