Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
