found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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