watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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