I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
we're so committed to being not committed
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
