You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I will be naked everywhere
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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