gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
