who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
