how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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