Already got asked if we're dating
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
