i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Boobs speak an international language.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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