she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize