Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
