Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
