I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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