I wish I could punch you in the face.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
