We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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