Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize