Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
