Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
