She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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