Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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