was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
