I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
