if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
