She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
