Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I wish there were birth control emojis
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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