i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
