Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
