did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
