Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
