Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
