FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
