I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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