before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
