I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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