peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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