We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
