I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
