this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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