from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
