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My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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