Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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