We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
