Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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