Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
