I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
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