my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So here I am, sexting at work.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
