you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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