East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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