i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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