It's like God shit irony all over that family
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
