Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
