I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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