Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
