Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
