yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Randomize
