U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
