My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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