Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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