Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
