so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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