I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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