she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
