My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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