Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
