hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
