why do cheetos always look like penises
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
