Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
