she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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