ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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