So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
