So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im six kinds of drunk right now
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
