I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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