i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
